Friday, June 1, 2007

Is Self Development and Improvement Really THAT Important?

Sometimes, when all doubts, fears and insecurities wrap us up in knots, we turn to the idea of, "I wish I was somebody else." More often than not, we think and believe that someone - even 'most people' - are better than we are. In reality, many people are even more frightened in life and are more doubtful and insecure than we are!

You might spot a beautiful woman sitting by herself at a party, seeming non-chalant, sipping on her drink. If you think to yourself, "she looks so perfectly calm and confident," then you might be guessing totally wrong. If you could read through her thoughts, you might be amazed that she actually has worries about "why am I alone, don't people like me?" and "doesn't anyone think I'm attractive - are my ankles fat, is my hair too short....?"

We will often look at others - especially others who appear to have WHAT WE WANT in life. We think that these things that we want will make us happier. Consequently, we assume that others who already have these things - are HAPPY! That they 'have it all together,' and they 'have everything they want.'

Often, however, they aren't happier. They put out a 'surface' image for all to see just like YOU DO!

Why not quit HOPING to be like other people - quit HOPING to be someone else and, instead, work with all the positive qualities you already possess?

If you think that you don't have enough positive qualities - THAT WON'T MATTER!

It won't matter - because - you can always IMPROVE! You can often develop the qualities that you don't think you possess right now. Often they are present, just not in use - because you've always spent your time 'hoping' to be someone else - instead of bringing out the possibilities and the good things in YOU!


Granted, you will also have some bad qualities - or unwanted qualities.

THAT'S OKAY TOO! In the same way that you can develop positive qualities, you can get your poorer qualities under control so that they don't hinder the better YOU that you want to become!

Many psychologists say that bad habits do not just go away - in fact, you should NOT just take away a bad habit....this is dangerous!

The reason - habits are coping skills - they are ways of thinking, ways of doing things, mannerisms, etc., which all serve certain functions. If they didn't, they wouldn't be present - or annoying - or helpful.

If you take a bad habit away - you take a little chunk of yourself and try to throw it away.....then you have YOU with a missing piece left over.

Either the bad habit will come back to fill the little space - or you'd better REPLACE THAT CHUNK with a CHUNK OF GOOD STUFF...

So really - you can hit two targets with one arrow!

How do you start?

Well - first, be WILLING TO LISTEN to other peoples' advice - even if, sometimes, you don't like what they say. Talk to a trusted friend - they will probably tell you things with little fanfare so that you can really learn what is likeable about you and what isn't. In fact, along with identifying how you appear to others (to your friend, at least), your friend might have suggestions about how he or she wishes you would take an annoying characteristic of yours and replace it with something he or she has already seen of you that is POSITIVE (but maybe you hadn't noticed!). Some of this might not even be very hard on you at all!

The main thing is - BE PREPARED FOR THE TRUTH! And upon being prepared, BE WILLING TO MAKE THE CHANGES that are suggested, too. (If you get to this point, then just remember YOU DID ASK)

Your friend will likely realize how SERIOUS you are about improving yourself and might even APPRECIATE that you asked for their help.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs has the words, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first. You cannot give what you do not have, so how could you expect to exude love if you don't, first, love YOU?

Go ahead and let people see, by example, that you are making changes, making improvements. Self improvement makes us better people, and sometimes, makes other people better, too - if they notice the changes in YOU and would like to follow suit - and if they undertake to become better themselves, like YOU did. We can inspire people, just by improving ourselves - in a way that 'telling or 'asking' people to be better will never, ever work!

You aren't a second-rate being, just because you have some flaws. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self, actually KNOWING THE TRUE SELF THAT IS THERE - is the first step to self improvement. You almost can't make changes at all - certainly not lasting ones - if you're not accepting of what exists in the first place. Acceptance doesn't mean 'giving up' because we see flaws, either - it can simply be a part of identifying what is present in our personality so that we can make changes. If we stop comparing ourselves to others, we can spend more time understanding ourselves and we can avoid looking at others, only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them than we had when we were focusing on improving ourselves.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. In fact, finding our faulty, less-than-perfect parts can be a HUGE motivating element for change. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It is about virtue and acceptance culminating into times of contentment and ease-with-self. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

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